Are you unlucky in love? Or being messed around by a boyfriend who won’t commit? Or does your husband treat you like a doormat?
According to a controversial new book, all of these situations are caused by you being too nice — and it’s time to start acting like, well, a complete diva.
Best-selling author Sherry Argov caused a storm when she wrote her first bestseller, Why Men Love Bitches, in 1997. It was translated into 30 languages, dubbed a self-help classic and still sells extremely well.
Treat him mean, keep him keen: A new book says you have to be tough to get what you want
Now she’s back with a new book that shows women how to transform a casual relationship into a committed one — and the secret lies in ditching the nice girl act and getting tough.
‘Bending over backwards does not bring you the love and attention you crave, but having your own life, your own goals and a backbone will,’ says Sherry.
‘Men secretly respect a woman who is strong, has confidence and has dreams of her own. There’s nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. He marries the woman who won’t lay down on the floor.’
Here, Sherry reveals the key myths about romance — and shows why if you’re looking for love, or just a bit of respect, it’s time to turn from a doormat into a diva . . .
WHY NICE GIRLS FINISH LAST
Ever wondered why, despite putting your best face and foot forward, and treating your dreamboat like a dream, he seems to go for someone smarter, sassier and sexier.
Well, it’s because you’re being too nice, too needy and too desperate. You are making it too obvious your happiness depends on him — and there’s nothing that will make him run away faster.
I’ve interviewed hundreds of men and all of them say what they want most is a strong woman who is secure with her own identity. She is happy giving him ‘space’ because she enjoys hers. She is clear about what she will accept. She’ll back away at the slightest whiff of disrespect and won’t think twice about telling a man where to go. This makes her more exciting. That’s the woman he dreams of marrying.
Work it: Don't give in to him too easily (posed by models)
But when I polled men of all ages, they all said confident women are in very short supply. Is it any wonder? The average fashion magazine tells women to act like a servant to get the perfect man: ‘Here’s a recipe to melt his heart’; ‘ten ways how to win him over in the bedroom ,’ and so on.
What women are learning from this is how to behave desperately, and when her attitude is ‘Pick me! Pick me!’ she hits the kill switch on his desire.
You’d be just as turned off by a guy who brought two dozen roses to a first date and told you he felt like the luckiest man on the planet in the first five minutes. That’s the plight of every ‘nice girl’ who puts her own needs last.
Well, it’s time to explode some ‘nice girl’ myths.
NICE GIRL MYTH ONE: YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT
Think about the last time you were madly in love. Chances are the guy wasn’t a millionaire or a brain surgeon with a six-pack. But there was something special about him. He had a couple of features that did it for you and a certain magic that made you tingle. Men are looking for that same magic.
Women think that if they are perfect, beautiful and rich, they will get the respect and love they crave. But a man doesn’t marry a woman who is perfect, he marries the woman who is interesting.
When a man meets a woman who seems too perfect, too sweet, or too agreeable, he tends to become bored very quickly.
A man will spot quickly that you’re putting on an act and think you’re trying to trap him or you’re insecure. Neither are good traits. He might stick around for a few months to see how high you’ll jump for him — but it’ll be temporary.
As for looking perfect, interestingly, almost all the men I spoke to said they rarely pay attention to a woman’s flaws until she points them out. Sophia Loren said: ‘Beauty is how you feel inside and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.’
MYTH TWO: YOU HAVE TO BE HIS SEX TOY
We are constantly told amazing sex will win a man’s heart. This is false. Just because a man sleeps with you doesn’t mean he cares about you.
Nor will good sex make him care. And once a man categorises you as ‘sex only’, he won’t see anything beyond that.
In a recent survey, 35 per cent of men said they prefer so-called 'bad girls'
And first impressions start with your clothes. When a man sees revealing clothes he’ll think you have nothing else going for you.
That doesn’t mean the men won’t break their neck to look at a woman who is showing a lot of skin. But at the same time they’ll pass judgment: ‘short-term only’.
When you cover up with a fitted blouse or a long skirt with a slit, he thinks ‘I have to work to get this’, and your stock goes up.
Conversely, when he sees you scantily dressed, he thinks of all the other men you’ve slept with. This is a sensitive area. Men are insecure about how many other lovers you’ve had, especially if they’re thinking of marriage.
Some even admitted to me they have a magic number in their heads when they ask how many men you’ve been with. Anything more than can be counted on one hand is too many.
MYTH THREE: YOU HAVE TO BE WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO BE
The nice girl meets a guy and acts like she joined a cult. In the beginning, a guy might ask her what she likes. The nice girl makes the mistake of shrugging her shoulders and saying: ‘I like anything you like.’
But what she’s getting across is: ‘I’ll take you any way I can have you — even if you give me crumbs.’
When a man likes you, he will be interested in finding out what you like and want to make it happen.
If he makes you happy, he feels more secure.
Everything men do is intended to impress women — whether it’s going to the Moon, becoming a rock star, or driving a nice car. The Taj Mahal was built for a woman. The toys, the homes, the power suits — it’s all designed to impress a woman. Be that woman. ( dailymail.co.uk )